When I saw the word just now, I cringed. My brain spiraled… “Oh NOOOOOOOO” what do I write? I can’t tell the FMF community about the ugly letter I received a few months ago from my mother. Then I realized I don’t have to dwell in that place because I am mom.
Shane and my children will celebrate me this mother’s day like always. But not quite the same. In years past, I’ve been melancholy because it was hard to see all the “I have the best Mom ever” ad campaigns, memes, etc. when I struggled…but this year maybe I’ll be free. Maybe I’ve been given a blessing in disguise. While sad on one hand, the dilemma has been solved for me. Taken out of my hands and I realize that I don’t have to dwell here because I think about the years past.
The years when Ma ma ma ma ma became
Each stage sweet as it passes by. My little girls and boys growing so fast.
Hey Moooooom, where’s my…
Mom, can you?
What’s for dinner Mom? (for the umpteenth time)
Mom, I don’t feel good.
Mom can you take me here?
Mom will you go with me there?
Mom, I’m home!
I am Mom to 4 fantastic kiddos. I don’t have to dwell on what I don’t have. I am blessed, privileged really, to be Mom.
One of these days there will be no more mom cries. Just as the days of bottles and diapers are long past. Shane reminds me of this on the crazy days where I’m ready to pull my hair out because I’ve had to remind one of them, or two of them or maybe even all 4 of them of something I’ve told them 1000 times over.
But as I sit here in the quiet hour I realize that he is right.
I realize that one day sooner than I care to think about, the silence will be deafening.
My crazy house will be still. Lonely even. No more shouts of Moooooooooom.
No more bantering. Or bickering, or jokes, or laughter until I snort and they all tease me about it. No more hugs goodnight and love you’s as they walk down the hall.
But I will take comfort knowing that Shane and I did the best we could with what we had and where we failed God succeeded.
I take comfort that our door will always be open for our children, and maybe someday for their families too.
I take comfort knowing that God blessed a young woman that knew little about being a mom 4 times over and took my meager offerings and grew mighty oaks to his glory.
I will take comfort knowing that I left a legacy different than the one left for me.
Yes I know my babies will face trials of their own, just as we have. Their lives will curve and sag and twist through difficulties but I also know that as God’s will, they will grow stronger through them, just as we have.
Yes, I miss little toes and baby giggles and toddlers wobbling and falling down but I am blessed because I am mom.
Happy Mother’s Day y’all!